Every once in a while, we fall down from the soaring heights of inspiration. The flights and expectations of our imagination turn to what can truly be called hard work. This shoot, the first of 2012, and the first since kotani returned from China, was such an experience.
My lacklustre performance could be attributed to a number of things: the cloudy day (many of my off-days seem to fall on cloudy days), the mosquitos, my tiredness and stress, new pieces of equipment, stuff not working the way they’re supposed to, etc. But in the end, the responsibility always falls on the photographer. To be brutally honest, the photographer is the director of the shoot. If stuff isn’t working well, we should have anticipated those problems, and fixed them. Calling it “photographer’s block” is never an excuse to rage-quit.
To tell the truth, I was bitterly disappointed at myself throughout most of the shoot. Kotani is a fantastic cosplayer, and her work with great cosplay photographers like F-sama in China is like the perfect combo that yields results which blow me away. To have such a shooting opportunity in the first week of 2012, and screw it up, was an affront. So throughout the shoot, I was waging a war against myself – someone I have realised to be my own greatest enemy.
In a way, it’s not a bad thing. It’s something that must be worked through, a humbling and a teaching experience, and in a way, encouraging, because feeling that burn and stress is a sign that progress is being made once again up the learning curve.
As a result, even though these so-called “off-days” are a pain to work through, they also allow me to step back and analyse my weaknesses. I learn, for example, when the equipment I have stops being a boon, and starts being a liability because they detract from the real important aspects of a shoot. I learn once again the basic importance of angles and composition. I learn to struggle through distractions and that sinking feeling of failure. I learn the ultimate importance of vision and repeatability. I learn to rely on others, to work faster, and to direct.
And then I simplify, and I cross my fingers. Through sheer hard work and perseverance, I struggle for the heights. Whether that stratospheric goal is reached in a single day or a single shoot is unimportant. The important thing is realising that the mountain is still there, that others have scaled it, and that I am taking those first steps up the rest of the rocky path.
The results from the shoot:
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